Walking in our daily lives we encounter relationship difficulties everyday. The day in and day matters can plague our sensibilities or sharpen our heart to love unconditionally or sacrificially. The question is what are our triggers to sway us one way or the other?
Being offended by every little thing that comes our way often is a sign of a heart that is hurt and hurting. It may be a sign of misunderstanding or a bad heart lens. It may simply be we heard the words from the other person with a skewed understanding of them, the situation or someone else’s opinion about that person.
If we are continually offended we are quite simply walking as a victim with the victim mentality. The victim believes it is all about him or her. In the offense that the person always believes they are targeted for, really just means, there is a lack of love missing in that part of their heart. There is darkness where the carnal heart still needs light and love. It also means they are pushing you away because they can’t handle intimacy. Remember, intimacy means vulnerability. Vulnerability involves good and bad with the other person. Not to mention weakness.
They also lack responsibility and are actually immature in that area they are offended in. The irresponsibility is very dangerous for them because they can’t grow. The truth they need to receive to make the changes are being pushed away in the attitude they don’t have to be responsible.
Fear then resides within them because there is a lack of love. The fear factor is the glue that keeps out the truth and holds the walls of hurt together to keep people out and the offenses inside. Love is the great penetrator to dissolve the walls and let the truth in. The light to open our spiritual eyes to the love of God and to love and experience love with other people.
People who isolate are not strong. They are reenforcing their walls with a way of living to run away from people who would otherwise hold them accountable. They come out of hiding when they need something from someone. Isolating just perpetuates their condition.
So back to the triggers. What happens in your being when you are being offended? It is not to say that others will never directly attack us. Your list of discernment for the triggers can look something like this. (1.) What did they really say? (2) What did they mean? (3) Was it really about you in a negative way? (4) Was I tired, hungry, sick, or otherwise vulnerable?(5) What was my part in the conversation? (6) Did the statement or conversation bring up fear in any form? (7) Did they push a button they knew would upset me? (8) Was it a sore subject for them or me? (9) How big was the hurt that either of us had a the topic or time of the things being said? (10) Was the conversation rushed or mishandled? (11) If hurt was brought out , was it addressed by either person and resolved? Being defensive is another sign of not feeling safe in the conversation. It looks like pushing people away and what is being said pushed away. It is a mechanism for guarding your heart. It is related to self preservation. Being defensive is a sign that the person you are talking to, is a person who is criticizing you and/or you are used to being criticized by a parent.
These are just a few questions to discern triggers and next you must follow the feelings to the next level to start to understand yourself , the other party and the situation to becoming un-offendable. Healing of these areas are imperative to grow, change and heal.
So let’s look at what offense or offended is defined as.
1. something that outrages the moral or physical senses 2. the act of displeasing or affronting 3. a breach of a moral or social code 4. a cause or occasion of sin 5. an impediment to belief or understanding (stumbling block) The following synonyms aggression, assault, attack, attempt, blitz, blitzkrieg, charge, coup de main, descent, offensive, onset, onslaught, raid, rush, strike.
Surely, we often feel threatened by the words displayed here. That brings me to the next part of being un-offendable.
When we work at understanding the context of our conversations by responding and not reacting, we learn very quickly how to become operating in love and not fear. Reacting means we are often operating out of a fearful heart. And often feeling threatened. Responding means we took in the information without being offended. Find safe ways to talk to each other. Love is a choice.
In doing our part, by not trespassing against our neighbor, we are on our way to really loving and not feeling threatened and fearful.
Also learning healthy boundaries, sets us up for not feeling so threatened because we have gauged what we can handle at the moment. In time those boundaries can be redone to fit the growth we have experienced. The object is to live together in community not divided and in a reclusive state because we are still wounded and hurting.
H 4383 in the Strong’s concordance. Here is the Hebrew word meaning for offend. To cause to offend. כָּשַׁל kâshal, kaw-shal’; a primitive root; to totter or waver (through weakness of the legs, especially the ankle); by implication, to falter, stumble, faint or fall:—bereave (from the margin), cast down, be decayed, (cause to) fail, (cause, make to) fall (down, -ing), feeble, be (the) ruin(-ed, of), (be) overthrown, (cause to) stumble, ×utterly, be weak.
We are at fault when we cause people to purposely be offended when we know they have limits within themselves. Please be careful how you treat people who struggle with boundaries and are often the weaker vessel where love is concerned.
Love helps us not to be offended. We must continue to strive to Love others as God loves us.
Matthew 22:36-39 KJV – 36 Master, which [is] the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second [is] like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Psalm 119:165 KJV – Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.
Matthew 13:41 KJV – The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity;
Matthew 18:6 KJV – But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:15 KJV – Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
1Thessolonians 1:3 KJV – Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father;
1Thessolonians 3:12 KJV – And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all [men], even as we [do] toward you:
2Thessolonians 3:5 KJV – And the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ.
Jude 1:21 KJV – Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
John 15:10 KJV – If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.